Wednesday, October 07, 2009

My First Port of Refuge




I have been planning to do this for quite some time……today seems to be the day for it.

My sister is officially 3 years younger than me.

She is a hugely reputed doctor in a faraway land and we mostly catch up only when we need each other. However, in the moments that we are away, it never matters that we haven’t been chatting incessantly. Every time we meet we find that that ball of thread has never lost its ways and is perched precisely where we left it.

People always ask me “own sister”? Ya she is my own sister, in every way that matters.
We were born of different parents but raised by a couple most precious in our lives.
Our grandparents.

The first and most critical bond of love.

The values we have are courtesy these lovely people and though we may have adopted differing facades, over the years, it always comes back full circle to them.
That was the first bond of love.

There are others that are god gifted I think. Both she and I are very different people. Or seem to be so on the face of it. We are both Librans, which is the funny part because if u had to ask Linda Goodman to do a chapter on us, she would probably cover both ends of the paradigm.

But this post is not about me. Its about her and the power she has over my life.

I have never met a woman with so much clarity on what she wants out of every moment.
I wish I could see things her way, take decisions that remain decided till the end. It would make life so much simpler for myself and others around me.
The focus she displays is something I have only experienced in isolated moments of self discovery. And she wears it proudly most any time of her life.

I have borne the brunt of that incisive insight. She has goaded me to be stronger. Yet, when the whole world around me was advising me on my obesity, giving me action plans…not once did I receive a sermon from her…she has been my staunchest supporter through this hell I’m going through…every word that she has ever spoken on the subject has been a smile…a smile that’s given me the hope that I could make it better..disappear…when I wanted to.

She is also a story teller par excellence….she is a doctor but could most easily have been an actress, an entertainer, a teacher, a lawyer, even a counsel. She bites into every opportunity to debate with gusto and it’s a pleasure to just hear your thoughts come out of her mouth. With none of the uncertainty you feel in expressing ur innermost feelings. I wish I could be so open, so white and black, just so sure.

She also inspires me to be a better mother. Through our growing up years, she always had this fascination for kids. She used to love being with them, playing, dressing them up. I was quite neutral to the emotion. Today, when I see her with her son and her darling nephew (my son) I feel quite humbled. We keep laughing at her need to discipline habits and time lines but there is nothing but awe at the back of that mirth. Its as if shes poring every emotion she wanted to see in her life into her child’s. Successfully. Again that ever elusive focus.

To be able to give so much of urself to make another life better and more fulfilled, to be able to see that other life in the long term more than the short term of making it happy and fun is a feat not many of us are able to accomplish. Today’s discipline will definitely lead to a better tomorrow is something I’m learning the hard way.

It’s her birthday today.
Happy Birthday Sis!

And I do so wish I could tell you everything I have wanted to for so long. But I know, irrespective, u would understand.
I have tried to be there for u whenever u needed me….we live in separate continents…it never matters.
Have picked out 2 pics that reflect her true essence....
.....for the sister I love so much and always will......luv u babes.

3 comments:

Rai said...

Ok Anu for you- thank you or making my black and white sound like a virtue...others have always made me feel I should apologise for it (being opiniated and judgemental that is)
You are right we get them from dadi and baba and everytime I feel weak I think of how lucky we were to have had them and it fills me with strength...
Clarity maybe but I wish I could endure silently like you, accept life the way you do sometimes as there is alot to be said for that...in the long run its easier to change yourself than life around you yet I continue to try to do the latter...thank you for the most wonderful gift on my birthday it was truly touching...I am about to tell everyone I know to read it...if never from anyone...atleast in this lifetime I was validated by one of my close ones which is more than most people get in a lifetime so it is definitely worth cherishing...love you see you in Feb...

SJ-F said...

Hi Anu,

We haven't ever met, but what an awesome write-up for an awesome friend...she does rock, and like with you, even though we don't meet quite as often now...its just the same, like continuing a conversation from where we left off last! definitely a 3am friend!

Thanks for sharing,
Sumi

anitha said...

Hi Anu We dont know each other but i was moved by your write up, and I completely agree she is the most awesome woman I have ever seen ...I am a Libran too (lol) but if I can even be Half as good as she is Iwould consider myself being complete ....three cheers waiting for more such thoughts