Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Random Silence

Over the last two days I’ve lost my voice. This happens to me once every six months. And, ya I know its not good but it kind off feels good.
Takes the pressure to respond, off, my already weight burdened soul.

So, I’ve been thinking (I never do that).

When I think of myself old, I see myself as this really hot woman. You think, u can vicariously live off Ur own projections about your own future which comes to u through idle dreams? God, sounds really complicated right now..I’ve actually forgotten the movie I saw her in..But there was this really awesomely pretty old lady with a dimple in her eyes and a twinkling smile..That’s the kind of old age I see.

Frankly speaking, the only thing I miss as a consequence of my obesity is my ability to wear Jeans. I know most of the USA still wears it but I sort of gave up on them a decade back. Till about early college, you’d hardly ever find me in anything else. I so so miss that.

What is it they say – u can’t miss something u never had or did. I want to sit in the rain with my knees cuddled upto my chest, cocoon fashioned. I can’t do it because theres a certain Mr. Tummy coming in the way…I’ve never done it but I really miss it.

I want to go to New Zealand. It's that particular shade of blue that turns me on.

I want it to rain right now and become really cold. Only today, I read somewhere winter is for the melancholic. What bullshit!

Relationship equations always change or, just with our generation?

I’ve always preferred sassy over sexy, chutzpah over intelligence and humour over wit….man, does that make me what I think it makes me???
Which basically sort of translates into the immediate, the spontaneous over structured, planned.

By the way, chutzpah is probably my most favorite word. Yaya I can’t help it if I have a fav word. I have many. So there.

I like staying home with Ishu. The end of the day sees me more accomplished.

There are times when I become a baby not this hugely self sufficient woman in charge of herself and her brood. And, I wonder if that's not the best way to be. Its not something I have at my command. And, the one who does, rarely, uses this power. Pity!

I want to write a script……and I really want to read Parul’s book !

The truth is, theres only one thing I want to live through Ishu. I want him to become a rockstar. And, in own subtle way I keep introducing him to” rockstar concepts”. You think I’m a bad mommy?? Well, I so wanted to be a rockstar and I’ve only realized that at this hugely young age of 36, what do I do?

I read somewhere yesterday – the way you do anything is the way you do everything. Bull, again.

Love is worth it.

And, I want to be ur baby..Pronto!


shaswati said...

I think this loss of voice is really doing you good - your randomness is evident - and I'm just loving it!

rayshma said...

rather non-random randomness... me like!

Smiling Dolphin said...

like the phrase dimpled eyes and twinkling smile - good twist, shall shamelessly copy paste someday!